How has America become so divided?

Now that the election has passed and either your guy won or he didn’t, there isn’t much left to do but celebrate or complain.

At least that’s what Facebook seems to think. Since I live in Texas, but am from PA. I got a ton of different responses on Facebook after President Obama won re-election on Tuesday night.  Ranging from “YES WE CAN… Moving Forward” to “America has been murdered and I’m going to stock up on ammo before this guy takes it away from me.”

Two sort of polarizing opinions and everybody is entitled to have one.

During this election year, which has been trying to say the least, for I feel like all of us! A lot of people on both sides have asked the question “How did America get so divided?”

I am SURE that some of you aren’t going to like this response but I promise you, as I at least try to do, it will not be as biased.  Like you, I am entitled to my opinion and also like you I am entitled to think you are wrong, maybe wrong is too harsh of a judgment. I don’t 100% think you are wrong. I think you are misguided. And you may think the same of me.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Lets get back to the topic. How did America get so divided? 

My first election as an adult was 2000, Oh yes, the good ole 2000 Election. Bush v. Gore, it was a doozy. It ended in spectacular fashion that really truly was revolutionary. It had and still has people crying foul and that’s ok. People are entitled to think what they want. 

If you are still crying foul after 12 years, you should probably let it go though.  History has. Even if it was foul. Bush served 2 terms AND Obama has served one since then. It’s time to move on from that bull crap.

But even during that time, I don’t remember this much animosity. Even during 8 years of President Bush, and his woeful unpopularity I don’t remember such animosity from the left to the right. Of course there was some. I can honestly say I wasn’t a huge fan of him as a President. He seems like a nice guy, I certainly don’t have disdain for him certainly not for a job that to be honest. I don’t think I could ever do.  But I think even 8 years of President Bush would not answer that question.

This has been going on for a very, very long time.

You can tell me it started in the 20’s or 30’s. In 1936, businesses hated Roosevelt but yet he was re-elected in a fashion that hasn’t been seen since.  You can even make an argument that America has always been divided. We did have a pretty bloody Civil War less then 100 years after we became a country. But I’m going to make it easy for you.

Vietnam, Vietnam happened.

It ripped America out of its very core and turned us into something much more like what we see today. Vietnam divided this country in a way that it hadn’t seen since the Civil War.  It took 18 year old kids who had no interest in serving their country and threw them into an incredibly unpopular war that had no end in site. It turned families from the 1950’s and 60’s into parents who lost their only child to a war he didn’t want to go to, or did want to go to. It returned soldiers home to a place that didn’t support them, that didn’t care about them.

It essentially took the 1950’s and 60’s middle class American Family and turned it into a joke. The family dynamic changed. It progressed, for whatever reason you want to believe it did. There is no denying that it did in fact happen. 

The hippie movement, which started in the 40’s and 50’s with Beatniks, and became a culture that is still incredibly active now, as are Beatniks, or Hipsters are you would call them now, basically anyone that is trying to fight the man.

They essentially changed the dynamic of the nuclear family. They made it ok for divorce, ok for women's equality, ok for abortion. They also made it ok, to question authority. So maybe you hate hippies for ripping the nuclear family apart, but before hippies, protestors were met with a lot more violence then they are today, regardless of what our constitution says. If you have the time, go ahead and look at how Blacks were treated in the early 60's when they protested civil rights. 

So regardless of who you are Hippies and Beatniks changed America. Maybe good, maybe bad, mostly both. They also did something crazy, most of them grew out of the faze. They got married, had kids, and probably raised you. They run major corporations. Mostly technology. One crazy hippie started this company about fruit. Perhaps as you read this on your iPhone app you heard of it, it's called Apple. 

In the mean time, they never left the 60's and 70's behind. The forward thinking of the 70's has stayed with us. Mostly liberals admittedly. But it's still everywhere we go. It's in TV, film, the office,  your house, your car, literally(yes I mean it) everywhere. It's embedded into America. 

Politics has also evolved, mostly negatively.

President’s like Nixon betrayed our trust. Carter, Ford, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, W, and Obama. They have all lied to us. Broken promises here, broken promises there. None have left office at the end of their term truly believing that they made everyone happy. If Bushes term would have ended in October 2001, he still would have had people who were unhappy with him with his historically high approval rating. 

But that's the point. No one is ever happy.

America started as a way to protect the people from religious persecution in Europe. As politics began, people have been divided. That’s not going to change. You can’t please everyone. That’s politics rule #1.

However, politics is no longer about the people. Not you, you, you or you. Not even the very rich or the very poor. Both sides will suffer regardless who is in office. Businesses fail and houses are foreclosed on during all times of the election season.  We tend to forget that. A bad idea can make a business fail or a person fail.  Sometimes it’s really that simple. One thing can change your life. If a dominent good for the business republican is in office, businesses will fail the same as if a super crazy hippie liberal is in office, poor people will still be poor. Same goes for opposites as well. The poor are still poor under republicans and democrats, and businesses grown and fail under democrats or republicans, there is no magic science. It's reality. 

Politics is about money. It’s about how much can I get from big tobacco or Green Energy, or technology or government contractors, to make a little extra on the side. To get flown around in a private jet to Raleigh to meet with Philip Morris so they can tell me why voting against a cigarette tax can be in my be$t intere$t$.

This recent election proved that more then ever. Even as they talked about the economy neither side told me what they were going to do to help me. They didn’t really tell me how I could find a job. They just told me what the other guy was telling me and how he was wrong. They insulted my intelligence as a human being. Both sides did this. 

Facebook has made it worse. It has given people, a way to tell everyone who they believe is better or worse. Expose themselves, violating the basic rules we were all taught as young adults. You don’t talk about politics or religion because you are going to piss someone off, or insult them or most likely BOTH. I don’t care whom you voted for. I don’t even care why. No one else does either.

But this election has shown me something more. It’s shown me a side of people, some of them friends I’ve had for a while.  It’s told me that people are selfish. They don’t give a shit about you or me. How could they? They are too busy complaining about Obama or Romney, insulting those who support him.

“Why would you vote for Obama, he’s a socialist Nazi, fascist, Muslim, extremist Christian”

“Why would you vote for Romney? He’s a robotic, Mormon, spoiled rich guy who cares more about businesses than the people. He will raise your taxes and cut the 1% so all his buddies can go on holiday”

The media and Facebook have destroyed America. They have divided us. They have given us so much ammo to throw at each other that we have no choice but to listen. Sometimes I wish I was undecided and didn’t or couldn’t have an opinion.  Life would be so much easier then to listen to people I care about calling each other names because of who they support.

The question is why do we do it? Really. We do it to each other; we can’t blame MSNBC, or Fox News, or CNN or Rush Limbaugh. We can only blame each other. If CNN tells me that Romney is going to defund Planned Parenthood, thus eliminating good and bad things it stands for, why am I going to scream at the Romney supporter I know on Facebook and throw that in his face? Only so he can throw in my face that Obama wants to introduce a plan for ban assault weapons.

At the end of the day, there are a number of things that can happen because of this. A. I may have lost a friend. B. My mind hasn’t changed. C. His mind hasn’t changed. D. All of the above.

We are all Americans fighting amongst each other, blaming the other for our problems. I know, someone is going to tell me, that it’s because of something Obama has done. You’re wrong. This is deeper then Obama, this is deeper than Romney, this is deeper then our history.

This is it. We need to get along. We need to stand united. Again I don’t care if you voted for Romney, Obama, or Jill Stein. Stick to your guns, be active. It’s your civil responsibility. But we all get the short end of the stick sometimes. Unless, you only live 4 years, you are going to live through many Presidents. I’m 30 and I have lived through 5. Through that time, not every thing that has been passed has affected me or has made an impact in my life. Even negative things don’t always impact me personally. Maybe they impact you Maybe, Obama care will cause your premiums to go up and because of that something might go wrong in your life. Maybe it will change your industry. Maybe the war in Iraq caused a loss of a loved one. Maybe this and maybe that. But how is telling me my opinion is wrong going to change that? How is hate towards the other side going to change that?

Insults don’t make change. CHANGE makes change. Letters to Congressman and Woman makes change. Aggressive grassroots movement towards something you feel strongly about makes changes. It might not make waves, and maybe there is nothing you can do, but maybe there is. Sitting here and complaining I can promise you won’t do anything. Nobody likes a braggart or a sore loser. I have seen plenty of both. You wouldn’t walk into your co-workers office after they got fired with a smile on your face and tell them you just got a raise would you? The same way you wouldn’t want that co-worker complaining about how they were unjustly fired because they hadn’t made their sales goals in over a year. Perhaps that’s not the best example but you get the point.

In a Republic, there are winners and losers. The great thing about our system is A. it’s cyclical. Things change. B. Nobody is permanent.

In America, however we are still here, living our lives, some of us are happy, some of us are sad. But I consider myself an American regardless of who I voted for and I consider you the same. Our ancestors or parents worked their butts off to get us here. Because they knew that America is the greatest country on earth full of a diverse populous of people, designed that way.  To open itself up for you and me and close it self for no one.

That’s all I got. We need to get back to being Americans instead of Republicans and Democrats. 

This Needs to Stop

This is going to piss people off.

I don't care.

It's on my mind, it's my opinion and it's certainly not going to affect you in anyway. You either agree with it or you don't.

There is a video running around in the internet of a kid singing in church about "ain't no homo gonna make it to Heaven"

Religion is like politics, you don't argue with it, because chances are you're going to offend someone.

But this pisses me off. Not the kid, he has NO idea what homosexuality is, he's probably 4. He spends his day, walking around, playing with friends, doing whatever 4 year olds do on the playgrounds these days.

I blame his parents and his parents really, really piss me off, as does the congregation of this church.

Listen, if you are against gays and lesbians , thats great, who the fuck am I to change your opinion?

I don't want to. You have your opinion, I have mine.

Sometime around 2009 or so, people started posting videos on YouTube about bullying, this started a whole massive move against bullying. People far and wide are calling for the heads of bullies when sometimes, it wasn't as big of a deal as it was being made out. Personally, I think the whole anti-bully movement has gone too far. As I feel that a kid who gets bullied shouldn't kill himself, BUT I have never been in that spot in my life, I hope I never am, therefore, I was taught a long time ago that unless you walk a day in someone else's shoes than don't judge them, so I try not too and I try hard.

Most of these kids who get bullied are gay or have gay tendencies that make people think that they are gay, some of these "tendencies" aren't anything that a kid can help but teenagers will be teenagers constantly harassing kids for being different, either they don't wear the cool clothes, or maybe they are gay, who cares what the reason is, one thing is simple.

We can't be hypocrites, kids will be kids, I get that, but where do you think they get it from? They just wake up, read the paper and see the headlines that say "gays are a sin" NO they get it from their parents. Parent's can't condemn bullying but think its ok to call gays 'fags'. It sends a mixed messages to kids, especially teenagers.

Whether you as a parent agree with a gay lifestyle or blacks, or whites, or anything that isn't the same as you, don't teach your child to hate someone because they are different.

Listen, my dad was born in 1942, he grew up in a middle class suburban area that was mostly white in the 1950's and 60's. He also grew up VERY Catholic.  Were there times because of his upbringing that he was a little prejudice? Occasionally, but not really. He was progressive enough to know that what happened in the past was the past and that people's thoughts and ideas change. I was never told hateful things by him. My mother the flower child from the 60's and 70's was certainly open to pretty much anything, so she also taught me to be respectful of people that are different then you.

I get it, that I am lucky, that I could care less who you are, gay, purple, muslim, jewish, black, etc you're still a person and I'm going to like you or I'm not, but it will never be strictly because of your skin color or your religion or your sexual preferences.  Except for maybe your political beliefs :-) kidding.

Listen if you watch the video, see it with open eyes.

It's all cute when he's four and he's singing about how homos aren't going to make it to heaven, people laugh and cheer cause it's funny. But it's not funny. It's deadly fucking serious. Maybe his parents are just strictly religious people who believe that homosexuality is a sin. So is Wrath, so is Gluttony, are we preaching our kids that ain't no fat people gonna make it to heaven, or even better because we violently hate homosexuals, we probably won't make it to Heaven either.

I can go on and on, the argument has been made. But maybe his parents aren't the type of people who will protest gay marriage simply on principle. Maybe his parents aren't going to hate anybody simply because they are different.

Hopefully this kid isn't going to grow up hating people that are different then him. But other kids do.

This is how bullies are made. 'gasp' says the good Christian mom. How dare you say my son is a bully he's a good christian boy, that little gay kid down the street with his homo tendencies, he's the sinner, my kid is just reminding him of how evil his ways are.

So the little gay kid kills himself.

Who's the asshole now?

Twenty years from now the little gay kid could be President, so far as I know there are no Constitutional laws against the sexuality of a candidate. It's never happened before but hey 50 years ago mentioning the fact a black man might have been President would have gotten you beaten.

Shit 50 years ago, a Catholic in the White House was a big deal.

That's where we are right now.

Agree with me or not about my views. I don't care, I don't want to change your mind. But I beg you, that if you have kids, don't teach them hate. If they want to form their own opinions, thats fine, but let them form their own opinions, we can't stop a lot of the issues we have in our country unless we look at ourselves deeply first. Nobody's perfect. It's a simple as that, we are ALL human beings though. You are the same as the gay guy next to you and the black woman sitting across from you and the muslim man who sits at the bus stop with you. Respect one another as such.

My hippy rant is done for that day.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

This is bigger than a Facebook post. A little over two years ago, I joined Match.com, not really expecting too much more then to maybe go on a few dates, to get out of a little bit of a mental dating funk. If I found someone really great, thats awesome but my expectations were simple. Being this was my first turn of online dating I didn't expect the world.

I talked to a few girls, one of which was promising until we planned on a afternoon drinking date on Good Friday and she blew me off, texting me about an hour or so before saying she was "sick" and couldn't make it and could we reschedule?

We didn't and I moved on. A few days after Easter, I got a poke or wink or whatever they call it from some girl in King of Prussia. She was cute, her profile seemed interesting and I winked back.

We emailed a few times, she gave me her number and we texted and eventually called each other. We talked for about an hour or so as she drove to her friends house who was getting married that next day and we decided to meet up for drinks Saturday after the wedding.

The rest is history so they say. I'm not going to bore you with a month to month diary of how our relationship has gone, thats boring and I'm at work so I don't have time to do it anyway. If you really want to know message me and we can chat :-)

What you need to know is that this girl has changed my life. Being with Mel has been the best,happiest and most fulfilling time in my short 30 years and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

After about 6 months or so together, she asked if I would be ok if we moved to Austin, TX from Philly. I knew at that time that I loved her and she was worth uprooting myself and seeing what else life held for me and I said yes. As you well know we moved in June and this has been the biggest test of our relationship and we have had our ups and downs, we bicker, we fight, but we love each other so much that it scares me to think of life without her.

In everything we have been through the good, the bad, the depressing, the beautiful and the ugly, I wouldn't have done anything differently. Everything has brought us closer to each other in ways that I could never ever explain in words or emotions. She is as much a part of me as I am a part of her.

I hope these first two years of our lives together is only the start of something so much better. If thats even possible.

Mel,

I love you so much, everytime I see you, I smile and thank God that you are a part of my life. I don't know what I did to get so lucky but I'll take it and run with it because you are everything that is good in my life.

Happy Anniversary Baby! 

Dad

The whole point of writing and or creating a blog is to write. Express your thoughts in a public forum for the whole world to see. It's been something like 8 months since I've last posted anything, and while it is incredibly cliche to say a lot has gone on since then, obviously it has. To tell you everything that has gone on in my life since July would be miserable for you. If you're friends with me on Facebook, which you most likely are if you're reading this, you know.

But there have been a few things that have happened in my life that have kind of changed perspective on things. I'm going to split this post into two because one is serious and the other is not. It's not right for the two things that have sort of molded me into who I am, be put together so.

My father died in late August and to say it's been difficult would be an understatement. Most of you wouldn't have a clue, even those closest to me as I keep my emotions  pretty close to the chest. But I miss my dad. I miss being able to call him when I've got no one else to bitch to. I miss texting him when the ( insert Philadelphia are sports team) is doing good or bad, though the Eagles probably would have killed him this season so I'm glad he didn't have to live through that embarrassment. Thankfully being in Austin I'm glad I didn't have to either!  There are just a lot of things that have happened and will happen in the next decade that I would have wanted my father to see. Marriage, buying a house, kids, etc.

When we moved to Austin in late June, my dad sent me a text the day we left. Essentially saying that he was proud of me and thanking me for the kindle I bought him for Fathers Day and to let me know he was excited that I now had the chance to be an adventurer. “nothing but happiness and take it all in. Love dad” he ended with.

It took me 24 hours to respond, because well I was lazy and I didn’t know quite what to say. I told him that I was proud to have him as a strong father and that I needed to tell him that more often. I let him know that the adventure I was about to go to was unfamiliar and that the guidance, patience and willingness to teach me to be a better person that I have seen in him has made me a better person. I let him know that I loved him and would miss him.

He told me he was proud of how I have changed into the man I am now. He told me he often looks back and how his father and grand father did things and that makes him do it the right way and that he was excited to know that when I have a son or a daughter  I will now be the one to teach the right way and one day I will get from them, what he just got from me. I cried when I read it then, I cried when I tried to write this in the eulogy that I wrote but no one has ever read and I cry now thinking about it. 

If you knew the relationship I had with my father it was never bad, or strained or anything but we were/are the same person; incredibly stubburn and when things that the other did got under our skin we overreacted. Its a trait, I work to improve on daily (ask Mel!) so we at times clashed and I'm sure at times he felt as though he was not appreciated it. That makes me sad and I wish I could have told him otherwise. 

He's taught me what I know about being a better man, father, person and I won't be able to thank him enough for that.