Dad

The whole point of writing and or creating a blog is to write. Express your thoughts in a public forum for the whole world to see. It's been something like 8 months since I've last posted anything, and while it is incredibly cliche to say a lot has gone on since then, obviously it has. To tell you everything that has gone on in my life since July would be miserable for you. If you're friends with me on Facebook, which you most likely are if you're reading this, you know.

But there have been a few things that have happened in my life that have kind of changed perspective on things. I'm going to split this post into two because one is serious and the other is not. It's not right for the two things that have sort of molded me into who I am, be put together so.

My father died in late August and to say it's been difficult would be an understatement. Most of you wouldn't have a clue, even those closest to me as I keep my emotions  pretty close to the chest. But I miss my dad. I miss being able to call him when I've got no one else to bitch to. I miss texting him when the ( insert Philadelphia are sports team) is doing good or bad, though the Eagles probably would have killed him this season so I'm glad he didn't have to live through that embarrassment. Thankfully being in Austin I'm glad I didn't have to either!  There are just a lot of things that have happened and will happen in the next decade that I would have wanted my father to see. Marriage, buying a house, kids, etc.

When we moved to Austin in late June, my dad sent me a text the day we left. Essentially saying that he was proud of me and thanking me for the kindle I bought him for Fathers Day and to let me know he was excited that I now had the chance to be an adventurer. “nothing but happiness and take it all in. Love dad” he ended with.

It took me 24 hours to respond, because well I was lazy and I didn’t know quite what to say. I told him that I was proud to have him as a strong father and that I needed to tell him that more often. I let him know that the adventure I was about to go to was unfamiliar and that the guidance, patience and willingness to teach me to be a better person that I have seen in him has made me a better person. I let him know that I loved him and would miss him.

He told me he was proud of how I have changed into the man I am now. He told me he often looks back and how his father and grand father did things and that makes him do it the right way and that he was excited to know that when I have a son or a daughter  I will now be the one to teach the right way and one day I will get from them, what he just got from me. I cried when I read it then, I cried when I tried to write this in the eulogy that I wrote but no one has ever read and I cry now thinking about it. 

If you knew the relationship I had with my father it was never bad, or strained or anything but we were/are the same person; incredibly stubburn and when things that the other did got under our skin we overreacted. Its a trait, I work to improve on daily (ask Mel!) so we at times clashed and I'm sure at times he felt as though he was not appreciated it. That makes me sad and I wish I could have told him otherwise. 

He's taught me what I know about being a better man, father, person and I won't be able to thank him enough for that.